You fantasize about someone else, or something else many times in your life, but what happens when you’re in a relationship? Are you being unfaithful if you fantasize about someone or something else? Most people assume they are sexually exclusive with each other when they are in a relationship but does this mean no masturbating on the internet and no slow-dancing with another person and none of this, and none of that.

Most people assume that fantasy in a sexual manner predicts behaviour. Sexual fantasy does not predict sexual behavior. Everyone knows that people fantasize all the time in a sexual way. You’re probably fantasizing right now about something! Everyone fantasies, it does not mean we are going to go and hunt for what we fantasize about.

Somehow, when the fantasies are about sex, people get much more frightened. Now there is one exception to this rule that fantasy does not predict behaviour,  and this is when the fantasy is about intrusive, repetitive, and unwanted actions. When a fantasy is intrusive, repetitive and unwanted, regardless of the content, there’s more likeliness that fantasy is going to predict behaviour. It’s not a one to one correspondence, but there’s more likelihood.

Lets imagine for instance that your partner fantasies about sex with Brad Pitt, you don’t worry about it. If somebody comes into your fantasy about having sex as a threesome or foursome it’s because it just happens but there is nothing in it to suggest they will act it. If you generate sexual fantasies it does not predict they are going to go and do it. If someone is obsessive about one particular sexual fantasy over and over again and they can’t control it then you may have cause for concern. Not because the content is sexual, but about the format.

Many self-help books suggest that fantasies predict someone’s behaviour but there is no proven connection. Lots of us enjoy fantasies of sexual activities that, if given opportunity, we would not do it. The most common sexual fantasy is inappropriate partners or inappropriate activities, and why not? A majority of women fantasies about being kidnapped and raped or forced against there will, there is no way they would want it to happen in real life. Fantasy is about a place where you can have sex without consequences. Masturbation is built on fantasies, it does not make masturbation wrong. In fact many considered masturbation as a need and not a want, I for one totally agree with this and trust me I fantasize about many things, it does not make me unfaithful to my partner.

Therefore the answer to does fantasising make you unfaithful?  NO is thr answer. The biggest sex organ we have is our minds and we need to use it, for solo entertainment and joint sexual entertainment. Fantasy is built within us all.

 

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