If you have managed to make it all the way to 2019 without having encountered a partner with a past then I need to hear from you – because you are unique. Seriously, everyone makes mistakes in life – some make whopping ones, and some make small ones – we all make them.
Some people I know from school, the town where I was brought up, life in the limelight and ongoing all have succesfull businesses and have dealt with judgment because of some rebel past they held, I think it made them stronger, I know it did me. May they carry on thrieving!
Indeed, there is a strong educational principle that goes broadly along the lines that “If you haven’t made a mistake, then you haven’t been trying!“
In light of the fact that we all make mistakes, isn’t it curious that people are very quick to judge. And they often do so without first considering whether they are as good as Mother Theresa or whether their life is as pure as the driven snow. Just think the words in the Bible at John 8:7 along the lines “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone“; not to mention the old saying “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.“
I know I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m far from it. And boy, haven’t some people gone out of their way to remind me!
I recall forever being judged on my decision from my early career making adult movies – it went something like this:
It was a warm morning in summer, 1999. I was watching The Trisha Goddard Show while I was at home with 2 very young children. The show asked whether there were any sex addicts watching and, if so, could they call the number on the screen and speak to a member of staff. Hell, I thought – “Why not appear on the show? After all, I’ve gone from one extreme to the other.”So, I dialled the number. The woman who answered was polite and, when I told her why I was calling, she asked a few general questions. Afterwards I thought “What have you done, Lianne?”
Later that morning, I received a call back. The show’s producers were looking for people to appear on, of all things, The Jerry Springer Show. “Now wouldn’t that be fun?”, I mused.
The show had two requirements of guests invited to appear. First, they had to be prepared to talk openly about their sex life. Second, a friend or family member, who was totally and morally opposed to the “liberal lifestyle” of the guest, had to accompany them on the show.
I resolved to make sure I took the opportunity to appear on the Springer show with both hands. I just wanted to be on the set, in front of the cameras, saying how great a time I was having since discovering my new sex life. So the first requirement was a tick!
And I managed to convince my sister and a couple of friends to join in – so tick number two also!!
The show was scheduled for August 26, 1999. I was only 24, and I had absolutely no regard for how things would change in the future with technology and such like.
In the lead up to recording, I was asked to make the show racier. Mr. Springer, it seemed, was under the illusion that the British were not as liberated as their American counterparts. I had, of course, been drinking and I seized the moment without hesitation – “Hell, yes!It’s my 25thbirthday tomorrow and I always do something outrageous on that day. Okay, I’m a day early but you’ve given me so much drink, I’d be happy to run on set starkers.”
When it was time for us to appear on the set and, after being asked to liven proceedings, I was ready to roll. The count was made – “Three … two … one … On you go, Darling.”
Yes, the show was great and was aired to millions. It was also followed up by a documentary of my life before I made it as one of the top adult performers in the world whilst based in Hollywood in a short period of time.
Now, fast-forward 15 years and let me tell you, I have had to deal with so much adverse comment arising from that single appearance. Of course, I’m hardly Robinson Crusoe. I’m sure it’s the same no matter what past you have.
What people need understand is that because I was a very successful actress on the set
whilst making adult films, does not mean that in my relationships I behaved like a porn star. On the set, it was fantasy – I was acting. In fact, the reality is quite the opposite!
What we in the adult film world do for a job does not make us any different from anyone else – we just do it to earn money to pay bills and put food on our families’ tables. And we still need hugs, love and, yes, love-making.
And, yes, we do really feel the barbs of criticism as much as anyone else. I have had to explain my life choices to potential partners,employees and friend. Most are great and want to know more. Others just can’t see past the fact I made a living differently.
My decision on that morning back in 1999 changed my life and the lives of my entire family. I have no regrets. I love the fact I chose what I wanted to do, and I succeeded spectacularly in it. But I do confess that if I had known then what technological advances generally, and the advent of the internet in particular, would bring in terms of open access to films etc…. I would have considered my family more Would it have stopped me being an adult star? – probably not.
You only have to look at many well-known media faces today and find celebrities who have criminal past.. here are a few:
- Will Smith was arrested in 1989 after being involved in an assault so serious one man was left nearly blind. He was charged with aggravated assault, recklessly endangering another person, simple assault, and criminal conspiracy. However, the charges were later dismissed.
When he was 16. Mark Wahlberg attacked two Vietnamese men with a wooden stick, leaving one of them blind in one eye. He was charged with attempted murder, but pled guilty to assault and was sentenced to two years in prison, of which he served 45 days.
In 1994, aged 19, 50 Cent pleaded guilty to selling heroin and crack cocaine. He served six months in a boot camp prison. Later, in 2002, he was sentenced to two years’ probation for assault and battery.
Vanilla Ice has had several brushes with the law. He was arrested in 1991 on a firearm charge after threatening a homeless man with a pistol. In 2001 he was arrested for assaulting his wife, admitting to pulling some of her hair out. He pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, was sentenced to probation and completed a run of family therapy sessions. He was arrested for a third time in 2008 and charged with battery after allegedly kicking and hitting his wife. He was released after a day when his wife confirmed that he’d only pushed her. He was ordered to stay away from his wife, but later that year the case was dropped.
Back in 1999, just as he was finding fame, Jay Z was involved in an altercation in a nightclub where he ended up stabbing a record executive in the stomach.He pled guilty to an assault charge and got three years’ probation.
Christian Slater was first arrested in 1989 for drunk driving, then again in 1997 for assaulting a girlfriend while intoxicated.He was arrested again in 1997 after attempting to board a flight while in possession of a loaded gun. And in 2005, Christian was charged with third-degree sexual assault after grabbing a woman’s bum on the street.
Before he shot to fame, Bruno Mars was arrested in 2010 for cocaine possession. He pled guilty, paid a $2,000 fine, completed 200 hours of community service and completed a course of drug counselling.
Carmen Electra was arrested back in 1999 under her real name Tara Patrick. She was arrested for battering her then-husband Dennis Rodman and they were both ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from each other.
Stephen Fry was arrested aged 17 after stealing a family friend’s credit card and, as he puts it, ”going ape” with expenditure for three months. He spent three months in prison on remand.
Frankly, we are all judged in just the same way. Let me tell you, no matter what someone’s past is – it is not yours. Their past is the result of their circumstances and decisions, not yours. There is an old saying – “You can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” Until you’ve done that, if you can’t accept their past, then leave them alone – or better still support them.
Oh.. and just for the record most people who have a more than colourful past are the most loving of all, they will probally always be honest with you also.
People were born to be awesome, not perfect!