How many times have you heard people say “I just want to find my perfect partner”, especially now its nearly Christmas time, oh-and New year’s promises.

What is perfect?

That all depends what you are after –Even if we look at just one element – sex of course – what if your partner actually was perfect – wouldn’t this become boring – what, no rows and therefore no make-up sex? Come on!!

Perfect equals pressure

And what about the pressure having a perfect partner puts us under? Actually, here I’m referring to the pressure we put ourselves under to make sure we are, in turn, perfect for our partner – to live up to the mark expected of us – the mark set by him (or her).

Living in that “perfect” environment means both of you always looking for faults, just in case you or your partner is not perfect and you or they might let each other down.

To be honest, the struggle stresses you out so much that you become stressed and ill. So, sure, at first the perfect relationship makes you feel on top of the world. But it can quickly and easily turn into a living hell.

What does a perfectionist look like?

There are many tell-tale signs. And they normally become apparent quite early in the relationship.

Do they criticise their past relationships and blame their former partner for most things that went wrong? (Yep-your thinking and nodding)

Do they criticise their work colleagues? (Ofncourse-they hate their job right. They claim their job is beneath them?

Do they talk of achieving a better or perfect job, house, family, life etc…? (Always!)

Do they put themselves down – saying they could improve this or that about themselves? (Yes- but don’t act-just eat-sleep-repeat)

In short, are they always picking faults in their life and your relationship? (Perfect is hell)

Why they’re no good for you

Of course, we all want to be happy. But at what price?

Are you prepared to put your partner’s values ahead of your own. Don’t – I repeat – don’t do it!

The ability to compromise in a relationship is so important. It doesn’t mean one or other or both of you are weak. It just means you care for one another.It’s ok

It also enables you to find a way through difficult situations. You must be able to talk openly and ensure you are both heading in the same direction, whilst accepting your not always going to be in the right, and accepting fault when it is due.

I’m not saying for one moment that you should become a pushover – God no! – I would never advocate that. It’s okay – in fact, it’s essential – to have standards and values that you are not prepared to compromise on.

I’m just saying it’s not worth fighting every little point. Make sure you don’t miss out on the fun of the relationship just to win an argument. Be thankful for what you have, and work together to achieve your joint dreams.

But don’t let one party to the relationship dominate and make all the decisions. Remember, there is no such thing as “your other half”, let alone “your better half”. Oh, how I hate those expressions. 

A final word on the perils of seeking so-called perfection

So, remember this when you are out there looking for your Mr or Mrs Perfect – perfection or wishing for it. It isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

I’m not at all sure anything is perfect – let alone any person.

And even chasing perfection, let alone catching it, may prove to be much more than you can handle. So, be careful what you wish for. Next year maybe ask for more stockings to open instead….

Perfect people- read the words to the lyrics, the Perfect person has dents too.